As I complete all the required and at times optional orientation sessions, I begin to realize the start of a new beginning and a new part of my life. I did not think that being a Doctoral student would be any different from being a Master student but I think there is. Actually, I thought there was a lot at stake in my Masters and once I got through it and into a Doctorate I would be just cruising but I don't think that is going to happen. In fact, whatever you do in your doctorate seems to set the bar for whatever you want to go for later in your career. And I can go many different ways. Realizing that things can change in a heart beat, I think I must take the time to settle in, get to know people, find my way around and become familiar with the educational system. Within my first year I would like to explore different areas and the research around it. Perhaps even do small research projects with different profs so I can broaden my thinking before it narrows or focuses again. When the vice chancellor spoke in our orientation, she said that as new students should figure out what we want to do as a career later on. In addition, I should be lining up things on what to do to get there. It made me think of the "path" we do with our students. It is backwards planning. I think that is exactly what I need to do within this first semester. In stead of thinking about the many things i am interested in and how would I ever pick one for my dissertation, I should be writing out what my ultimate goal is and how I can get there.
One thing that I do notice is that this university can provide me with lots of opportunities to study with other professors, do research in different areas and even do internships in different places. One idea I had was perhaps to apply for an internship at AAPHERD in the summer months. I think that may be worthwhile as it is a national accredited organization that works with the many aspects of health, PE, Recreation and dance. It may provide me with ideas for a dissertation.
So, in stead of writing down all my areas of interest, which I did, as I thought that was the right way to figure out what to do; I will attempt to outline what I want to do as a job when I finish my PhD. It is not as simple as stating that I want to be a professor. Well, yes, figured that one out! I must find out what exactly I was to accomplish and where I can provide a service.
A good tip from Dr. Mink today, who by the way has one of the best jobs on campus and it is definitely one that I have an interest in (health promotion - I would like to have it more like wellness promotion to include a more holistic view). He says to minimize stress I should create 3 lists every week, A, B, and C. The A list is things to do right away, the B list is things to do but not urgent and the C things are those that I would like to do but they are not necessary.
One other great tip: when you pick it up, do it, schedule it or throw it away! That is so true, we pick up so many things and either put them away and pick them up again and procrastinate or put them somewhere and forget about it. So, when you pick up something you must do, do it or schedule it! Great point!
A third one, sanctuary, find a sanctuary... I think my apartment can be one as that is a place for me and I am mostly alone there. Away from work. However.... this laptop keeps work close. Another place is perhaps when I run, those places, quiet places surrounded by nature are great for me to relax and reflect in.
So I will have to find a sanctuary, make lists, don't procrastinate and write down what I want to do in 4 years. Then we'll take it from there.
In stead of thinking about dissertations, think of those interests as small research projects, do them, learn from them and then later find one worthwhile that you can specialize in, connected to your goal.
Classes begin Monday so here I go!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
International Student Orientation
A busy day filled with sessions on immigration and studying. What have I learned? The importance of the 3 E's to keep my status as an international student and not get deported or arrested: Employment (max 20 hrs/week: on paper yes, however as GA's, I am positive I will work more than that!), Expiry (don't let your passport expire while you are in the US!) and Enrolment (min 6 credits max 9 credits: I will take 9, as I am ambitious as always).
I also registered today for three courses: Stats in education, Research in PE and Adapted PE, all courses I have already taken at the undergrad level so perhaps I learn much more now at the grad level. My courses are Mon/Tues/Wed and Th nights. Thank goodness for having Friday nights off!
Extremely tired as I am, I do want to say that I enjoyed this day. Everything that was said today was not new, however, I did meet new people and that was valuable. I met three undergrads, two from Trinidad and one from Columbia. They just arrived this week and after orientation I took them to Wall mart to get sheets. Which they did not get as Wall mart was pretty much out of them, so they are borrowing my sheets and will order new ones online. Glad to help! I also provided them with some of my winter clothes which they were very grateful about. I still remember being a first year international student. All you bring is a suitcase! So I actually enjoyed helping out and getting to know them. They are all part of Chi Alpha I believe, a sorority that is grounded in Christianity but is open to all students, not just those who live in the house. I visited them in the house and everyone was just great. I even thought that if I did not have my furniture, living in a house like that would be a great idea. Even though I do enjoy having my own apartment. I guess there are trade-offs for everything. The great thing about this group is that they enjoy others to their events.
Two interesting notes for today as I think about "healthy and active living":
1) I live 15 minutes from school so I refuse to take the bus... I was the only one walking while others (about 15 students I saw), took the bus. And this is NOTHING to do with the "American way of life... driving everywhere" because all the students that were waiting for the bus were all going were I was going and were all international students. What is wrong with this? How come, on a beautiful day, 24 to 27 degrees, these students rather take the bus? Laziness? This won't brake a sweat.
2) We all had a free lunch so I got to check out the food courts. Interesting fact is that you can get on a meal plan and eat for about $3 a meal. The negative part of it all is that once you get into the food court, you can eat all you want!!! AAAHHH I can't believe it. No wonders students gain 15 pounds in their first year. You must be pretty disciplined to eat healthy. Yes there are healthy choices but there are also lots of other lesser choices and eating a lot is also not good. A solution? One plate per person? I was thinking of two aspects to the problem. Does the university expect the students to be responsible enough to eat healthy? Probably! Does that work? NO! Therefore, the university should enforce something so students can't eat all they want. wow, this is amazing because I was thinking of going on a meal plan just because I am on campus from 8 am till 8 pm and know I won't make lunches and have adequate amount of healthy options during the day. What to do?
In America, it seems that everything happens around food. Come to this meeting... free food! It is with food that they get people to join the events. Not with activities... come to the meeting...free volleyball game! Yeah right, that will be the day!
These students end up away from home with lots of opportunities for food but lesser opportunities to spend those calories, or at least they choose NOT to spend them by riding the bus in stead of walking for 10 minutes.
One thing is for sure, talking with the students, especially the undergrads is useful to me so i can understand what goes on in their life and how I can motivate them to add exercise and healthy foods to their daily routine.
Tomorrow, more orientation sessions, more geared towards grads so we will see what tomorrow brings. I think I will try to become more involved with the international center. Last year I got into the GSA, this year perhaps I will take the opportunity to join the international students and become a mentor next year for new students!
By the way, I have never seen so many international students together, I think there were about 400! From all over the world, although I was the only Belgian, the only Canadian. Snif snif. I must encourage some Canadians to come to the south. You'all come down now!!!!!!!:)
I also registered today for three courses: Stats in education, Research in PE and Adapted PE, all courses I have already taken at the undergrad level so perhaps I learn much more now at the grad level. My courses are Mon/Tues/Wed and Th nights. Thank goodness for having Friday nights off!
Extremely tired as I am, I do want to say that I enjoyed this day. Everything that was said today was not new, however, I did meet new people and that was valuable. I met three undergrads, two from Trinidad and one from Columbia. They just arrived this week and after orientation I took them to Wall mart to get sheets. Which they did not get as Wall mart was pretty much out of them, so they are borrowing my sheets and will order new ones online. Glad to help! I also provided them with some of my winter clothes which they were very grateful about. I still remember being a first year international student. All you bring is a suitcase! So I actually enjoyed helping out and getting to know them. They are all part of Chi Alpha I believe, a sorority that is grounded in Christianity but is open to all students, not just those who live in the house. I visited them in the house and everyone was just great. I even thought that if I did not have my furniture, living in a house like that would be a great idea. Even though I do enjoy having my own apartment. I guess there are trade-offs for everything. The great thing about this group is that they enjoy others to their events.
Two interesting notes for today as I think about "healthy and active living":
1) I live 15 minutes from school so I refuse to take the bus... I was the only one walking while others (about 15 students I saw), took the bus. And this is NOTHING to do with the "American way of life... driving everywhere" because all the students that were waiting for the bus were all going were I was going and were all international students. What is wrong with this? How come, on a beautiful day, 24 to 27 degrees, these students rather take the bus? Laziness? This won't brake a sweat.
2) We all had a free lunch so I got to check out the food courts. Interesting fact is that you can get on a meal plan and eat for about $3 a meal. The negative part of it all is that once you get into the food court, you can eat all you want!!! AAAHHH I can't believe it. No wonders students gain 15 pounds in their first year. You must be pretty disciplined to eat healthy. Yes there are healthy choices but there are also lots of other lesser choices and eating a lot is also not good. A solution? One plate per person? I was thinking of two aspects to the problem. Does the university expect the students to be responsible enough to eat healthy? Probably! Does that work? NO! Therefore, the university should enforce something so students can't eat all they want. wow, this is amazing because I was thinking of going on a meal plan just because I am on campus from 8 am till 8 pm and know I won't make lunches and have adequate amount of healthy options during the day. What to do?
In America, it seems that everything happens around food. Come to this meeting... free food! It is with food that they get people to join the events. Not with activities... come to the meeting...free volleyball game! Yeah right, that will be the day!
These students end up away from home with lots of opportunities for food but lesser opportunities to spend those calories, or at least they choose NOT to spend them by riding the bus in stead of walking for 10 minutes.
One thing is for sure, talking with the students, especially the undergrads is useful to me so i can understand what goes on in their life and how I can motivate them to add exercise and healthy foods to their daily routine.
Tomorrow, more orientation sessions, more geared towards grads so we will see what tomorrow brings. I think I will try to become more involved with the international center. Last year I got into the GSA, this year perhaps I will take the opportunity to join the international students and become a mentor next year for new students!
By the way, I have never seen so many international students together, I think there were about 400! From all over the world, although I was the only Belgian, the only Canadian. Snif snif. I must encourage some Canadians to come to the south. You'all come down now!!!!!!!:)
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Key to life: Running and Reading
Will Smith is saying it! Love what you do and do what you love.
Running and reading are according to him the keys to life.
When he talks about running he mentions that there is a little voice inside of you that wants you to quit and when you learn how to defeat that voice when you are running, you "will learn how to not quit when things get hard in your life".
I am not sure if I can test this but I do know from experience that running seems a lot easier after I ran my first 25K. Even 30 minutes was difficult before, now that I know I can run almost 3 hours without stopping, I know I can run for an hour each day if I want to and it seems so much easier. Ultra runners run 50 to 100 miles, 4 to 24 hours or longer. Why do they do it? Once you run that distance, a 5K or even a 25K must seem like peanuts! The key is to figure out how to get to that point. How to train and motivate yourself to run those distances. The love of running!
Second point Will talks about is reading! I truly believe in the power of books, text, in written or electronic form, it doesn't matter. Reading provides you with new knowledge, new insights, the ability to reflect, think, compare and make judgments, the ability to learn.
Check out Will!
Running and reading are according to him the keys to life.
When he talks about running he mentions that there is a little voice inside of you that wants you to quit and when you learn how to defeat that voice when you are running, you "will learn how to not quit when things get hard in your life".
I am not sure if I can test this but I do know from experience that running seems a lot easier after I ran my first 25K. Even 30 minutes was difficult before, now that I know I can run almost 3 hours without stopping, I know I can run for an hour each day if I want to and it seems so much easier. Ultra runners run 50 to 100 miles, 4 to 24 hours or longer. Why do they do it? Once you run that distance, a 5K or even a 25K must seem like peanuts! The key is to figure out how to get to that point. How to train and motivate yourself to run those distances. The love of running!
Second point Will talks about is reading! I truly believe in the power of books, text, in written or electronic form, it doesn't matter. Reading provides you with new knowledge, new insights, the ability to reflect, think, compare and make judgments, the ability to learn.
Check out Will!
Who or what motivates you?
It is Tuesday, August 12th! Lately I have been watching the Olympics in amazement. The strength, endurance and motivation of the athletes have left me more then once speechless. I am in awe of the performances of all the athletes. No favorites, I follow all of them, in particular Belgium, Canada and the US. I love watching gymnastics, swimming and can't wait for track and field to start on Thursday. The athletes' passion can help to put things in perspective for myself to finally get out of this low I have been in for the past few weeks.
I always know what is going on and how I can fix it but the motivation to change my actions is at times not there. I wonder about motivation. I am in the position to motivate others on being active, yet I at times have issues with that myself. So what is it about motivation? What is it that makes some people motivated to move while others care less? How can we keep our motivation high? So, I look at myself for answers. I lost motivation to be active due to a high stress level. However, I know, I KNOW, that being active is what lowers stress. Still, I have a difficult time getting out there and moving if I am overwhelmed and stressed out. I know as a grad student that this will not be the last time so I must get better at staying motivated.
Course work seems to stress me out. Well, perhaps not coursework itself but more the assessment of the work. Not knowing how I am doing is stressful. Ongoing assessment works well for me as far as keeping my stress level low. So, next time, I guess I should just ask how I am doing and perhaps it was because of its length somewhat impossible to really get an idea on how well I was doing. Anyway, key #1, ask the prof how I am doing, key #2: use ongoing assessment with my own students so they don't need the stress and know exactly where they stand in my course and what they can do to improve or keep up their marks.
Ok, I realized that my mood was low, with a result that my motivation to run was absent. But I also know that if I make myself go run, my mood will improve and when I finish running, I feel so much better. SO how come I know what to do to enhance my mood but still can't get motivated to do it? One major aspect that I know plays a role in my mood is feeling overwhelmed and in order to prevent that, I must keep a good journal and write down daily short term goals. When I forget, I get too overwhelmed and end up doing nothing at all.
So key #3: Set goals and keep up, write everything down, make to-do list and work through the list. In fact, when I make my list, I always include my workouts as well. When I finish all my goals, I am extremely happy with myself, usually tired and I actually sleep better! What a surprise! Goal setting should probably be Key #1, as that is, for me personally, one thing I know that works!
However, I know many people do not set goals, nor do they make lists and keep up. What motivates them? What keeps them going?
I know that when I come home after a run/workout, the feeling of being tired is to me extremely satisfying, in fact, it probably is a reinforcement to my motivation. But it has not always been like that. I started to find running fun because I run on trails not roads. So therefore, it is about finding activities that are fun! So you can find some intrinsic reinforcement that will motivate you to get out and do it! Some activities it is so "natural" to me that I don't even have to think about it, I will always be ready to do the activity. E.g. downhill skiing. However, no snow... so no skiing. no mountains... no skiing. Must find other activities. Most of the once I really like are expensive and because I have no money at this point I am trying out a new activity: trailrunning. This as a way to stay active. I also like biking and swimming. I have DVD's at home for when I decide to stay indoors and I must find a weight lifting class as I love doing that as well.
What about doing something for something else, or someone else. Running for the cure? Running for love?
My ultimate goal is trying to figure out how to help those first year students not to gain 15 pounds in their first year. How can you make being active and healthy more appealing than drinking, socializing and eating pizza. I am really generalizing here but in fact, truth is that many new students stop being active and organize or manage their first year poorly.
So far I have 3 focus points:
- Keep stress levels low in course (know expectations, ask for them, create them, organize)
- Set smart goals and stick with them (create lists, how many points?, how short of a goal?)
- Find activities that are fun, active and healthy and do them every day. (experience new activities to find out those activities you may not know about but you wish you knew about)
Is this enough? Is this a good start?
What is motivation? Is it love? For this dad it is!
I always know what is going on and how I can fix it but the motivation to change my actions is at times not there. I wonder about motivation. I am in the position to motivate others on being active, yet I at times have issues with that myself. So what is it about motivation? What is it that makes some people motivated to move while others care less? How can we keep our motivation high? So, I look at myself for answers. I lost motivation to be active due to a high stress level. However, I know, I KNOW, that being active is what lowers stress. Still, I have a difficult time getting out there and moving if I am overwhelmed and stressed out. I know as a grad student that this will not be the last time so I must get better at staying motivated.
Course work seems to stress me out. Well, perhaps not coursework itself but more the assessment of the work. Not knowing how I am doing is stressful. Ongoing assessment works well for me as far as keeping my stress level low. So, next time, I guess I should just ask how I am doing and perhaps it was because of its length somewhat impossible to really get an idea on how well I was doing. Anyway, key #1, ask the prof how I am doing, key #2: use ongoing assessment with my own students so they don't need the stress and know exactly where they stand in my course and what they can do to improve or keep up their marks.
Ok, I realized that my mood was low, with a result that my motivation to run was absent. But I also know that if I make myself go run, my mood will improve and when I finish running, I feel so much better. SO how come I know what to do to enhance my mood but still can't get motivated to do it? One major aspect that I know plays a role in my mood is feeling overwhelmed and in order to prevent that, I must keep a good journal and write down daily short term goals. When I forget, I get too overwhelmed and end up doing nothing at all.
So key #3: Set goals and keep up, write everything down, make to-do list and work through the list. In fact, when I make my list, I always include my workouts as well. When I finish all my goals, I am extremely happy with myself, usually tired and I actually sleep better! What a surprise! Goal setting should probably be Key #1, as that is, for me personally, one thing I know that works!
However, I know many people do not set goals, nor do they make lists and keep up. What motivates them? What keeps them going?
I know that when I come home after a run/workout, the feeling of being tired is to me extremely satisfying, in fact, it probably is a reinforcement to my motivation. But it has not always been like that. I started to find running fun because I run on trails not roads. So therefore, it is about finding activities that are fun! So you can find some intrinsic reinforcement that will motivate you to get out and do it! Some activities it is so "natural" to me that I don't even have to think about it, I will always be ready to do the activity. E.g. downhill skiing. However, no snow... so no skiing. no mountains... no skiing. Must find other activities. Most of the once I really like are expensive and because I have no money at this point I am trying out a new activity: trailrunning. This as a way to stay active. I also like biking and swimming. I have DVD's at home for when I decide to stay indoors and I must find a weight lifting class as I love doing that as well.
What about doing something for something else, or someone else. Running for the cure? Running for love?
My ultimate goal is trying to figure out how to help those first year students not to gain 15 pounds in their first year. How can you make being active and healthy more appealing than drinking, socializing and eating pizza. I am really generalizing here but in fact, truth is that many new students stop being active and organize or manage their first year poorly.
So far I have 3 focus points:
- Keep stress levels low in course (know expectations, ask for them, create them, organize)
- Set smart goals and stick with them (create lists, how many points?, how short of a goal?)
- Find activities that are fun, active and healthy and do them every day. (experience new activities to find out those activities you may not know about but you wish you knew about)
Is this enough? Is this a good start?
What is motivation? Is it love? For this dad it is!
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Insomnia
According to Wikipedia, insomnia is a symptom of a sleeping disorder characterized by persistent difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep despite the opportunity. It is typically followed by functional impairment while awake. Insomniacs have been known to complain about being unable to close their eyes or "rest their mind" for more than a few minutes at a time. This is the fourth time within the past 2 weeks I have not been able to fall asleep even though I am tired. Is this because of all the changes that have happened in my life this summer or is there something that I am not doing right? I feel restless all the time and I can't seem to shut my mind off for the night. I even tried counting sheet!
Anyway, today I finished my coursework and handed in my exam. Now I have two weeks to prep for the courses that I teach, design a research study, get IRB approval, go through a week and a half of orientations and oh yeah, try to sleep and relax when I can.
Is this perhaps all too much for me? Really now? I love to take on challenges but somehow this is different. Is there something that changes when you move from a Masters to a PhD? Does somehow the pressure increase inherently? What is going on? Do I think everything will be ok once I get into a routine and get to know people? Is it the loneliness? Or is it just me?
I hope this is a phase, I hope so. I have ups and down more frequently at this time, sometimes a few times a day. I know that I get nervous at new beginnings, nervous and excited, so I just need to try to relax and take it one step at a time and perhaps in a few weeks I will be saying, what happened? I am fine now! I just hope I find my place, a place where I belong. Don't we all want that? Perhaps the fact that I the "stupid" Internet does not work half the time in my apartment so I can't use skype to call home really bothers me. Tomorrow I FINALLY get to talk to my mom and home to call my friends. That will be nice. My mom is back from Russia and I want to hear all about it. She has been out of the loop with my life ever since the move. It has almost been a year now since I have seen her. Perhaps that is what bothers me. Usually summers is when I relax , travel, see my family. Last year this time I was at home in Belgium. I wish I was there now, I need to get AT&T DSL or something so I can get in contact with my family and friends once again.
Anyway, I will try again tonight and I look forward to tomorrow, no library, no books, just me, and free time. Free time to relax, work out and pay attention to myself.
Wish I had money so I would go to the mall and buy something or get a haircut. Oh well, we can't have everything in life now can we?
Good night. I hope it will be a good night.
Anyway, today I finished my coursework and handed in my exam. Now I have two weeks to prep for the courses that I teach, design a research study, get IRB approval, go through a week and a half of orientations and oh yeah, try to sleep and relax when I can.
Is this perhaps all too much for me? Really now? I love to take on challenges but somehow this is different. Is there something that changes when you move from a Masters to a PhD? Does somehow the pressure increase inherently? What is going on? Do I think everything will be ok once I get into a routine and get to know people? Is it the loneliness? Or is it just me?
I hope this is a phase, I hope so. I have ups and down more frequently at this time, sometimes a few times a day. I know that I get nervous at new beginnings, nervous and excited, so I just need to try to relax and take it one step at a time and perhaps in a few weeks I will be saying, what happened? I am fine now! I just hope I find my place, a place where I belong. Don't we all want that? Perhaps the fact that I the "stupid" Internet does not work half the time in my apartment so I can't use skype to call home really bothers me. Tomorrow I FINALLY get to talk to my mom and home to call my friends. That will be nice. My mom is back from Russia and I want to hear all about it. She has been out of the loop with my life ever since the move. It has almost been a year now since I have seen her. Perhaps that is what bothers me. Usually summers is when I relax , travel, see my family. Last year this time I was at home in Belgium. I wish I was there now, I need to get AT&T DSL or something so I can get in contact with my family and friends once again.
Anyway, I will try again tonight and I look forward to tomorrow, no library, no books, just me, and free time. Free time to relax, work out and pay attention to myself.
Wish I had money so I would go to the mall and buy something or get a haircut. Oh well, we can't have everything in life now can we?
Good night. I hope it will be a good night.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Activate the World!
Activating the world of my students is my goal this year! How will I do that or at least try to attempt to do it? By giving the students active assignments, creating possibilities for them to socialize within an active environment and connecting technology to all of this.
Step 1: Active homework: yes you heard me. All my students will need to organize one active session with a partner that I can attend. We must all be active for at least 45 minutes and it must be free of cost. Additional marks are given to those who motivate others to join the active session. IN the end I hope to have my mornings filled with activities that create active students. Additionally, relationships will be created and is that not the first step of motivating people? Creating positive supportive environments! I guess the real experiment starts on Aug. 25th. So stay tuned. Even though this assignment was designed for my fitness concepts course, I will provide the students from my other courses (bowling and jogging) to join in the fun! In order to accomplish that, I must create a schedule for me and the students, which I did (wiki). Second, I created a class blog where all my students will sign up for. This blog will show the schedule and students can connect with others to join in the active sessions.
If it works, I hope to get everyone motivated and active!
Step 1: Active homework: yes you heard me. All my students will need to organize one active session with a partner that I can attend. We must all be active for at least 45 minutes and it must be free of cost. Additional marks are given to those who motivate others to join the active session. IN the end I hope to have my mornings filled with activities that create active students. Additionally, relationships will be created and is that not the first step of motivating people? Creating positive supportive environments! I guess the real experiment starts on Aug. 25th. So stay tuned. Even though this assignment was designed for my fitness concepts course, I will provide the students from my other courses (bowling and jogging) to join in the fun! In order to accomplish that, I must create a schedule for me and the students, which I did (wiki). Second, I created a class blog where all my students will sign up for. This blog will show the schedule and students can connect with others to join in the active sessions.
If it works, I hope to get everyone motivated and active!
Monday, August 4, 2008
Multiple Intelligences Presentation and Wordle
Alright, you do NOT, I repeat NOT want to read this paper but at least it is over and done with. Some adjustments will be made tomorrow but it is now 7:16 pm and i have been here in the library all day and I am tired! I had to take a summer course and decided to take this course that deals with management in higher education and new faculty. Great! Should really spark many ideas and at first it did. However, after realizing quickly that an assignment required us to create, develop and carry out a complete research project, my 4 weeks of summer turned out slightly different. During the 4 weeks I also had to allot one week to go to Canada to defend! That was as mentioned before an amazing experience and I will never forget that. But really, how can one do a complete research project in 4 weeks? I thought it would be a great challenge and maybe at first it was but finding out that survey research would be the only way to get fast answers was one thing, doing the analysis and understanding the statistics was another. You really can't learn stats in one week! You just can't and it frustrated the heck out of me. I just have to be honest in my defeat and acknowledge that this is the worst paper I have ever and hopefully will ever write. I don't want to take another summer course anymore ever just because I believe students need a break just as profs do. But unfortunately that may not happen so I will continue, step by step. I know this project created a period where emotions ran high and confusion controlled my thoughts, however, I did learn that I still have lots to learn and if anything, this project did inspire me to learn more. I always thought I wanted to be a professor that was well-rounded, so I must begin my quest to understand both qual and quan research and how perhaps the two can be combined. Many thoughts run through my head and these often keep me awake at night so I must also learn to let go, quiet my mind and relax. I have promised myself that I will take it easy the next few weeks before classes. Taking time for myself, taking care of my body and exploring the horizon! Well, especially the web 2.0. world. : So I jut keep in mind my motto: just keep swimming, just keep swimming and everything will be alright.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
A new low
I hit it again. One of the lows on my roller coaster ride. I have been in Fayetteville now since July 10th and have realized that too much change too fast is not good. Moving, running, new place, new people, new courses, finishing thesis,... I believe that taking this summer course was probably the biggest mistake ever. I am sure I may change my mind as I get credit for the work that I do but for my mental state it was not the best way to go. Then again, it was not my choice so however I turn it, a course had to be taken. I don't know why they wouldn't let me start Aug. 25th as that is when I start the classes I teach. Perhaps I should have requested that. I always thought the start date was Fall but this change in plans affects a lot, it specially affects my mood. Summer, between two programs, a time to relax and reflect, brainstorm and search for ideas, a time to just calm down. I think it is important to have the opportunity to shut the brain off for a bit. I still don't know how to do that and perhaps that is THE one thing I must learn in this process. I have so much stuff on the go that I get overwhelmed and end up doing nothing but bite my finger nails. Perhaps writing this blog post with help. I was doing fairly well last week but it is difficult to be alone. I believe that this may just be the toughest transition I have ever gone through. And I don't quite know why. Is it because I don't know that many people yet and have to find my way around? Is it because I miss my friends and I am having difficulties connecting with them over the phone due to poor Internet connections? Is it because I have too many things on the go? Or maybe it is just the heat? I don't know, but whatever it is, I need, NEED and WANT to get out of this mood and be happy with where I am and what I am doing. The worst part is that for the first time in my life, I had doubts about the future. I had doubts about my desire to become a prof. I also have too many interests and can't focus my research ideas. I know what I must do, take one day at a time and go with the flow. It will get to you when it is time. Wanting too much too soon is never good but I was hoping to find and formulate my dissertation early in my program. I must be patient. I need to make a to-do list and go one step at a time. Paper, presentation, exam, prepping for classes.
So quiet here in my apartment, too quiet, I need people, friends,...contact. The only sound I hear the my head pounding and sending shocks through my body. When I watched "Into the wild", the character in the movie wanted to live alone of nature. He explained that was truly living. I was sceptical and envious and the same time of him. Could I learn to enjoy myself when I am alone? Can being alone give me pleasure and ensure happiness. Well, by the end of the movie, before he died, he wrote that true happiness can only happen if it is shared. Or something like it. A shift in his thinking? A need for human contact. Some people need it more than others. Relationships,... discovering, building and maintaining relationships is intriguing to me. I don't need many good friends, I just need to be able to listen en talk with others, be around other people. I think that is probably the biggest need in my life right now. Next week, orientations begin and i am sure I will meet lots of people, but till than, I am hoping to finish this coursework and go to Little Rock. I need a different focus for at least a few days. I need a holiday... well, a small one. To calm down. I need to be outside, being active. Walking, running, biking, swimming, whatever it is, I need to do something with my body, in nature, away from the city.
Can I ever be truly happy, or will there always be something? Why can't I just enjoy my life. Why do I always want to make things more challenging?
Many questions,... no answers needed... just thoughts in the moment.
So quiet here in my apartment, too quiet, I need people, friends,...contact. The only sound I hear the my head pounding and sending shocks through my body. When I watched "Into the wild", the character in the movie wanted to live alone of nature. He explained that was truly living. I was sceptical and envious and the same time of him. Could I learn to enjoy myself when I am alone? Can being alone give me pleasure and ensure happiness. Well, by the end of the movie, before he died, he wrote that true happiness can only happen if it is shared. Or something like it. A shift in his thinking? A need for human contact. Some people need it more than others. Relationships,... discovering, building and maintaining relationships is intriguing to me. I don't need many good friends, I just need to be able to listen en talk with others, be around other people. I think that is probably the biggest need in my life right now. Next week, orientations begin and i am sure I will meet lots of people, but till than, I am hoping to finish this coursework and go to Little Rock. I need a different focus for at least a few days. I need a holiday... well, a small one. To calm down. I need to be outside, being active. Walking, running, biking, swimming, whatever it is, I need to do something with my body, in nature, away from the city.
Can I ever be truly happy, or will there always be something? Why can't I just enjoy my life. Why do I always want to make things more challenging?
Many questions,... no answers needed... just thoughts in the moment.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Web 2.0.
At the moment, I am attending an online summercamp, see Pbwiki.com. This summercamp is for those teachers who wish to design and implement a wiki into their course work. I will use the wiki http://peforever.pbwiki.com to organize all my courses and get my students involved in Web 2.0. So far I have learned many new tools, almost too many. I am trying to catch up on all the reading while attempting to try out all these new tools.
One thing is for sure: this summercamp is worth it! I am developing my coursework during these 3 weeks so it is great timing. I have a few more days to go before my university course is completed and than I can focus on the design of my course wiki.
I get really too excited about all of this. At times, it is difficult to shut my mind off at night and I feel I move from one computer to the next throughout my day. I guess it is my choice to focus on wikis within my research, so I just have to deal with it. I love it though.
I have been twittering all day. Started to twitter last year but did not really get into it too much. Now that I am connecting with people who have similar interests than me, it is becoming a highlight of my day!
So today I created that video below, used twitter, installed tweetdeck, listened in to a web seminar on using digital storytelling, did my homework for week 2, went to a 3 hour class, worked out for 40 minutes, went to Walmart to get food, walked for 40 minutes, created a new wiki, checked email, read my course work material for my night class, and I can keep going. I did do a lot of multi-tasking! Now I am exhausted! Good night!
I can't wait till tomorrow! I am actually not lonely anymore, if anything, this summercamp has given me people to talk to during the day! Thanks!
One thing is for sure: this summercamp is worth it! I am developing my coursework during these 3 weeks so it is great timing. I have a few more days to go before my university course is completed and than I can focus on the design of my course wiki.
I get really too excited about all of this. At times, it is difficult to shut my mind off at night and I feel I move from one computer to the next throughout my day. I guess it is my choice to focus on wikis within my research, so I just have to deal with it. I love it though.
I have been twittering all day. Started to twitter last year but did not really get into it too much. Now that I am connecting with people who have similar interests than me, it is becoming a highlight of my day!
So today I created that video below, used twitter, installed tweetdeck, listened in to a web seminar on using digital storytelling, did my homework for week 2, went to a 3 hour class, worked out for 40 minutes, went to Walmart to get food, walked for 40 minutes, created a new wiki, checked email, read my course work material for my night class, and I can keep going. I did do a lot of multi-tasking! Now I am exhausted! Good night!
I can't wait till tomorrow! I am actually not lonely anymore, if anything, this summercamp has given me people to talk to during the day! Thanks!
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